The last couple months were good times.

Project X is great.  I imagined one of the client's sites to be really hi-tech, almost like NASA.  But it isn't.  It's probably one of the most backwards places of work you can imagine.  Going on site makes me miss my 'Gucci' base office with our FREE tea stations, smart proximity ID cards (on site, you swipe), modular glass buildings and general corporate atmosphere.

My project manager left the team for a job in Iraq - one of the world's most dangerous places to work.  However he does get a fantastic pay package.  And, I should imagine, an excellent life insurance cover!  A little sad to see him go.

As a leaving souvenir, he made us all personalised t-shirts.  I'm not sure how to feel about this, because my t-shirt had a reference to one of the client's staff 'gawking' at me.  Having a reputation as the team eye candy isn't exactly the reputation I had in mind for myself. 

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Having been in the company for a year now, I feel like I have been so bogged down in my work the I haven't played the corporate game.  Hard work alone will not get you places.  It's the people you know and people you impress that get you places.  My project is pretty cool, great benefits, and it's pretty challenging.  It's probably not what I really want to do, but it's a good start.

On a personal note, kinda feel crap about being far away from the family.  I keep telling them to move down south so we get to see each other more often!

Got some crappy nigglies I need to confront and sort out.  Have no idea how I am to go about doing that without coming across as a total psycho b!tch.  Perhaps the only way to resolve this once and for all is to bite the bullet and face the music of the possible humiliation.  But hey, you have to give some to get some.  And in my case, I need to come across as a psycho b!tch in order to have peace and regain sanity. 

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I'm trying not to get my hopes up on Project X, but if I went through with it, it could be freakin' excellent! 

I get to travel to client's site, I get a car (I think...), most of all my role would be multi-faceted but focuses on integration and configuration (gluing stuff together to make them work).

I sure am going to miss the life of financial services though. 

Perhaps one day I will get to work on systems in the investment banking world of transactions and messaging. 

Perhaps I will one day manage IT divisions in an IB. 

Who knows. 

All I know is that my instincts tell me that this is an opportunity to see what there is beyond the dark corners of hardcore dev.

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Instead of lamenting how stressed out / fed up / unfulfilled I am, I'm going to write about happy things today.

• Good news on my job situation: I was approached by Project X again this week.  I am loved  because someone has obviously put in a good word for me as the project manager was keen to get me on board despite never seen my CV! (Hopefully he won't change his mind when he does see it...)
• I'm a soon-to-be skater chick.  I rock man.  \m/
• I spend my evenings drooling over pictures of the wonderful handbags on my wishlist.  This might be sad, and I might have no friends (!), but it makes me happy.
• Moving in with a girly friend in July - yey!
• The brilliant white sparkle of my diamonds never cease to captivate me.
• Happy hoppy fluffy bunny

Before I go, I thought I'd post a quote I read on a postcard in my bank:-

"Money talks, but all it ever says is good-bye".

I thought it was very fitting, as I was making a large withdrawal from my account that day.

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I came across a shared ownership property whereby I buy 50% of the property, and pay rent on the remaining 50%.  As a result, I get to own half of the property, and get to live in all of it.  So it's like getting a property at almost 50% discount, with the opportunity to buy the rest of the property when I have spare cash lying around. 

Going to make some enquiries about this property.  And about mortgages.

Heck, someone'll be darned if I buy a place before he does... and he's been working and saving for 3 years already!

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Tomorrow (today) we will have been officially dating for one whole year.  I have taken to having no expectations these days.  As with many relationships, tend to fizzle out later into the relationship.  Shame really. 

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I am soooo tired now.  Sometimes, when my mind is burdened by thoughts and anxieties, I punish myself by sleep deprivation.  This way I don't get harrassed by nightmares because I'll be so tired I sleep like a baby.